


The Seven Sandwich

by soufflegirl91



Series: Souffle's Choose Your Own Adventure April [3]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Fluff and Humour, M/M, Q Branch Minions - Freeform, Q's strange eating habits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23580400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91
Summary: In Q Branch, they call it The Seven Sandwich.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Series: Souffle's Choose Your Own Adventure April [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691788
Comments: 36
Kudos: 203
Collections: MI6 Cafe Collections





	The Seven Sandwich

**Author's Note:**

> For #3 - The Highland Mountains in the MI6 Cafe CYOA April: create a Bond themed snack.
> 
> Thanks to Christinefromsherwood for the beta, as always :)

In Q Branch, they call it _The Seven Sandwich_ , because Q only ever orders it when Bond is on a mission that has gone south. 

It had taken them a while to notice the pattern. Q had always had strange tastes, and seemed to get hungry at the oddest times. The minions supposed that their benevolent overlord spent so much time in a basement surrounded by technology that his body simply followed a different digestive clock. After the third time he'd asked for _The Sandwich,_ one bright spark had put two and two together and realised it made four. 

With any other agent, long hours on the comms meant Q would eat whatever anyone put in front of him - ramen, a donut, salad, or, on one occasion, spicy chicken feet. Nothing fazed him. In fact, he barely seemed to _notice_ what he was eating. Either the man had a truly strong stomach and tolerance for spice, or he even managed to tune out his _tastebuds_ when he was 'in the zone'. 

Not with Bond though.

With Bond, it was always _The Sandwich._

And it wasn't even a _nice_ sandwich. 

Early on, they had wondered whether the sandwich was something that Bond liked, which was why Q ate it when he was in trouble but, frankly, 007 had better taste in food than that. The same line of reasoning also ruled out it being a sandwich _Bond_ had made for _Q_ and had since become a habit. 

No, this was more than that. 

Even the crisps were part of _The Sandwich_. Q never failed to take off the top slice of bread, upend an entire packet of beef flavour McCoys over the filling and replace it. Watching him eat it was an experience that could traumatise even the most experienced field agent. 

Then, after a particularly harrowing mission that had seen Q eating _The Sandwich_ for 3 meals in a row, one brave boffin plucked up the courage to mention it to Bond. 

"It must have been a tough mission this time, 007. The Quartermaster ordered three _Seven Sandwiches_ yesterday."

The agent in question merely raised one perfect eyebrow (and _how_ did he only ever end up with one perfect cut through _that one eyebrow_ , anyway?! The odds were astronomical!) and wandered off in the direction of Q's office. 

The minion sighed. Back to the drawing board. 

_One day,_ he vowed. One day, he would discover the truth behind _The Sandwich._

-

"One of your minions said something to me earlier. It's been bugging me ever since." 

This time, it was Q who raised the eyebrow. Here they were, cuddling in bed after a _truly spectacular_ shag, and James was bringing up his subordinates?!

"Well, whoever it was must have been feeling either particularly brave or stupid, so it's probably nothing worth dwelling on." 

"Hmmm," James murmured, non-committal, as he stroked his fingers lightly between Q's shoulder blades. "What's a 'Seven Sandwich'?" 

"What's a _what?"_ Q pushed himself up into a seating position, turning his incredulous expression on James. 

"Your minion said you ordered three of them yesterday. I can't believe you named a sandwich after me and didn't tell me." James wouldn't admit it, but he was pouting. 

"Named a _sandwich_ after you? What a ridiculous… oh," Q trailed off, suddenly sheepish. "That. I didn't… they came up with the name themselves." 

"So what's in it?" James leaned back against the headboard, grinning. "Must be pretty delicious if they've named it after me." 

"Oh, it's silly."

"Q…" wheedled James, turning on the charm. "Tell me. Pleeease?"

Q laughed, shaking his head.

"It's just a sandwich that I order when things aren't going well on your mission. Ingredients that remind me of you, so I remember what I'm fighting to bring home."

James found that he didn't know what to say to that, so he leaned in for another kiss instead. Q kissed back ferociously, and neither thought about _The Sandwich_ again for a long while.

-

"So what is in this very special sandwich?" James asked as he towelled himself dry. 

"Well, let's see," Q pretended to muse as he pulled his socks on. "Emmental, because it, like you, is smooth and a bit nutty. Rocket, because you are a bitter old man and the way it gets stuck in my teeth is very inconvenient, just like you getting into trouble on missions-"

"Hey!" 

James threw the towel a Q's head and he ducked, laughing. 

"What else was there? Artichokes, because you do have a heart but it's hard to get at. Olive tapenade, because you are an acquired taste. Almond butter, because almonds contain cyanide and you are also deadly but delicious. Oh, and crisps."

" _Crisps?_ " 

"McCoy's beef crisps. Because they're _manly_ crisps and when we first met you were so macho that it hurt. And because you are a potato." 

"I'm a potato," James repeated, deadpan. 

"A potato. A stupid, common, versatile, comforting, really all you need to get by, basic potato. But you're my potato." 

James grinned, because somewhere under all those bizarre food metaphors was a declaration of something they hadn't said yet but both felt. But there was just one thing…

"Q?"

"Yes?"

"That sandwich sounds _disgusting."_


End file.
